It happens every year around this time.....
No, It has nothing to do with Halloween approaching, but something, Scarier!
Most of you are really going to laugh.
Justin is going hunting and he leaves in a few days.
This really freaks me out!!!! I start getting all upset. I have really tried in the past to have a good attitude and be supportive. But when he comes home with stories of being stalked by a bear and when he comes home with a wrecked truck..... what am I supposed to think? In His defense I always get freaky weird when he is leaving me. We have only spent very few nights apart in our nearly fourteen years. I was like this before he brought home any stories or wrecked trucks. I feel very much like I am co-dependent. hmmmmm.
Any way it starts out slow, the weirdness, I mean. First normally he only leaves for hunting on a saturday and comes home by wednesday. Maybe 4 days tops and it is agony for me! This year he told me he would be gone for 9 days! Is he trying to kill me?!?
I have already started the process of getting freaky. I started shutting down emotionally yesterday, yes he knows this.... He can feel it. We are so close and so connected to each other that we automatically know when there has been a shift in one of our moods or attitudes. I can't explain it. I just know how it works for us. I crave my husband and when he is not around I feel like I am being starved. Even when he works long days I feel very off kilter.
I am really trying to be supportive and happy for him. I am just not pulling it off very well. I don't know why he thinks we need a bunch of elk in the freezer taking up valuable beef space? But he does! He doesn't even cook!!! Hello chef always gets to pick!!!
So back to the freaky part, I know by Friday I will be a total emotional wreck. First the shutting down, and then the freaking out that he is leaving me, then shutting down again. All the while I still have to be in control for my kids. So all of this freaking out will be done in my room with the door closed and a really thick pillow over my head.
In years past I tried to be a big girl. One year, I was doing a fantastic job until I came across a movie that sounded awesome, so the day before he left I watched "The Notebook". There should have been a warning label on that Gem. "Keep out of reach of emotionally fragile women!"
that one sent me over the edge. This year I am just hoping I can shut down emotionally and be done with it. No crying or throwing a temper tantrum......
One year I redecorated the bathroom, this year I hope to paint (I hate painting), I guess the psycho in me wants to compound the misery.
I am also starting 2 group bible studies while he is gone. I think I will be okay. I am finally done with the Twilight series of books so I know that won't throw any extra emotional crap into the mix. Lovely as they were I was always in tears.
I think we will be getting alot of FUNNY movies to watch as well. And well if any one would love to come and keep me company that would be FANTASTIC!!!
And So to the freaky weirdness that overcomes me I say:
"Be Gentle, Justin would really appreciate it, and so would I"
Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW),
3 weeks ago