Have you ever been in that place between consciousness and deep sleep? I mean that place where you are exhausted and you are waiting for sleep to claim you? I have been there my friend, I have been there more times than I want to remember! The problem is when I hit that stage and I think I am asleep, an overwhelming fear grips my entire being. At this point I struggle to move and my body is paralyzed, I scream as loud as I can and no sound comes out of my mouth. This to me is what my childhood nightmares consisted of. I had them alot a few years ago, and I thought that it was a phase I was going through. I have not had one of those waking nightmares in a long time. However last night it happened again. I have to say I honestly hate them. They scare me half to death. I don't know what causes them. Last night I remember screaming to Justin for help and begging him to get me out of.....What.?. There is just darkness and fear and I can not feel my body. I was squeezing Justin's hand begging him to wake me or help me or something. Nothing, no help, no voice other than mine screaming a silent scream. Come to find out when I did finally jerk awake I was squeezing my own hand, I am always upset after with Justin for not helping me, until I realize he is sound asleep and I never made any sounds anyway. How would he know I was in danger, but from what, even I don't know what from. My mom said there is a word for it in spanish "Pesadilla" (pay-sah-thee-ah) this is the best way I know how to spell it. I don't know if there is an english word for it.... I can't imagine why there wouldn't be we have multiple words for everything else! I will take the nightmares that disturb me for days and months and years on end over these night terrors anytime. Let me tell you I have some doozies! But why and how do I stop them? What is the "clinical" name for what goes on here? After one of these episodes I alway fall asleep fairly quickly just as soon as my breathing becomes normal again.
Does anyone else out there get these things? Does it happen to you? How do I get myself out of one? And my greatest fear about this is that I will be trapped in one for ever. I want to know if this is how a person in a coma feels, is there overwhelming fear and paralyzation. No voice, no movement, no contol, just FEAR.
Friday - Catch Up
2 weeks ago