Friday, June 19, 2009

Have you ever....?

Have you ever been in that place between consciousness and deep sleep? I mean that place where you are exhausted and you are waiting for sleep to claim you? I have been there my friend, I have been there more times than I want to remember! The problem is when I hit that stage and I think I am asleep, an overwhelming fear grips my entire being. At this point I struggle to move and my body is paralyzed, I scream as loud as I can and no sound comes out of my mouth. This to me is what my childhood nightmares consisted of. I had them alot a few years ago, and I thought that it was a phase I was going through. I have not had one of those waking nightmares in a long time. However last night it happened again. I have to say I honestly hate them. They scare me half to death. I don't know what causes them. Last night I remember screaming to Justin for help and begging him to get me out of.....What.?. There is just darkness and fear and I can not feel my body. I was squeezing Justin's hand begging him to wake me or help me or something. Nothing, no help, no voice other than mine screaming a silent scream. Come to find out when I did finally jerk awake I was squeezing my own hand, I am always upset after with Justin for not helping me, until I realize he is sound asleep and I never made any sounds anyway. How would he know I was in danger, but from what, even I don't know what from. My mom said there is a word for it in spanish "Pesadilla" (pay-sah-thee-ah) this is the best way I know how to spell it. I don't know if there is an english word for it.... I can't imagine why there wouldn't be we have multiple words for everything else! I will take the nightmares that disturb me for days and months and years on end over these night terrors anytime. Let me tell you I have some doozies! But why and how do I stop them? What is the "clinical" name for what goes on here? After one of these episodes I alway fall asleep fairly quickly just as soon as my breathing becomes normal again.
Does anyone else out there get these things? Does it happen to you? How do I get myself out of one? And my greatest fear about this is that I will be trapped in one for ever. I want to know if this is how a person in a coma feels, is there overwhelming fear and paralyzation. No voice, no movement, no contol, just FEAR.

2 comments:

Fisher's said...

Richard and I both get them. I haven't gotten one in about 6 years. They are called Night Tremors. Your right, they are right between the point of being awake and being unconscious. When I get them I feel like something is pushing my shoulders down and I'm being indented in the mattress. It almost feels demonic. Richard gets them every once in awhile. They are scary. The last time I had one I was actually able to tell Richard to wake me up. I'm sorry you are affected by them. They are not fun.

Jesse, Christa and Marshall said...

I think Marshall gets them (or something like it) but he hasn't had one for a while. There have been a few times we have been awakened by his frantic screaming. When we go get him he is freaking out and doesn't seem to be completely awake. His body goes really stiff. It takes about an hour to calm him down. I hate it.