Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Resting, Leaning, Longing... Lessons I'm Learning.

Today is 60 days that we have been in St. George, Utah. Literally our home away from home.
 I have learned a few things, some of them were gentle reminders.

 Of course I have a lot to process now.  

When we learned Justin was going to have to work in St. George, it was extremely emotional. I was completely 100% confident that God would provide for us. My faith in God never waivered. What I expected or wanted from God was my own idea of how he should provide. I was not outright demanding. I was just overwrought with emotion and thought that if we just stayed put He would provide. What I did not expect was that His provision would be perfect. It would be the the most magnificent gift of rest, and renewal in many ways. The only way for me to get that rest was to leave the city.
  I remember my first thought, that I was not going to stay behind while my husband was so far away.   If you can call 4 1/2 hours "so far away".  I remember feeling like people were going to judge me because I could not be with out him. But I had some wonderful encouragement from some beautiful ladies letting me know that what I was doing was absolutely right.  My place was with my husband being his help meet. There was absolutely no reason for me to stay behind. I am a stay at home mom, I home school my kids, all of my outside responsibilities could be handled by other people if I would just be willing to give them up. So I followed my husband. I stayed with him. My job has been to make sure all of his needs are met. He is well taken care of. We see him only a few hours a day but at least we see him. We are a complete family minus the dog.  It has been one of the best decisions of my life! I can't imagine him having to work 10 hour days and then travel home on the weekends. He would not have time to rest up if that was the case. 

The move was extremely emotional. I was a mess to say the least. We had 2 days notice and we needed to pack everything we would need for the first few weeks. I had the hardest time focusing on what needed to be done. I had offers from my sister-in-law, to come and help me pack. Problem was I did not have the slightest idea what needed to go. I learned that you absolutely can live with very minimal supplies. You can make do with what you have on hand. And if all else fails find the local dollar store. 

Watching God work in our favor from the very first moment was incredible. I found a place to live that miraculously opened up the day before we needed it. And it is a beautiful retreat. In a place we would never be able to afford to stay, if it were not for the long term arrangements. 

It took me about 3 or 4 weeks to process everything that had happened. Learning to unwind and settle down was very difficult.  So I took up crochet.  Needing to have a small, portable hobby. Come to find out doing crochet has the same effect on the brain as meditation, who knew?

I have found now that what I wanted and what I needed were not one in the same. I never saw my provision coming. Sure we knew it was God's hand that kept Justin working but what I did not see was that I needed a break. I was on a path leading to serious burn out, and a bad attitude was just the beginning of it manifesting itself.  That vacation I had wanted so bad was right there under my nose I just had to realize it. It only took me about 45 days... Sure we were taking every opportunity to hike and swim but it was my mind set that had not caught up.

 Now I am looking at the last 2 weeks of our stay here. And it is with mixed emotions that I look at going home. Part of me wants to stay here forever, that part that wants to be in the warmth. The other part of me so anxiously wants to go home, that some days I can barely stand it. I think about the garden and the chicken coop, things that need to be done before it gets too far into spring. I am learning patience I suppose.  Sundays are the hardest, I miss my church family. I feel out of the loop, so to speak. 

It has taken about 45 days for me to realize that spiritually I feel like I am dry as the desert, fitting isn't it. I know that I am in a season of renewal. I see it and long for it and I know it is happening, just as spring is beginning.  I am newly opened to things God wants me to learn, unfortunately I am a slow learner.  Right now I am going to lean on the Lord, as I have been, until we are settled at home. I know He knows what is best for us. What we need! I am not worried about Justin's job situation.
 His provision is perfect.  


Scott H said...

Great post Stac! We miss you guys too and look forward to having you back around in a few weeks.

Meagan said...

Amen sister! God knows exactly what you need and I know it takes a good swift kick in the pants to know it sometimes! :)
Love you lots and we have missed you but I am so greatful for technology and Las Vegas!!

Laura said...

WoW! I just happened across your blog tonight & this post really touched me! We are in a situation that is similar to yours...I am at moments so peaceful & other moments a little frazzled:) I know God has us in his hand & our path is already laid out for us But, your post was another confirmation for me that everything is going to be fine & I must trust him fully!

Thank you for a Lovely post that has given me more Hope & Strengthened my Faith.
I pray that Gods Favor continues to flow in your lives!

Fisher Family said...

I loved your post Stacey and it is so beautifully written! I'm glad you have had a good experience. Richard asked me what I have liked about our experience here so far... I said it is hard but when it is over and I am "home"... I will look back with fond memories and be glad our family has had this experience.

Love and Miss you!

anna said...

great story...I could feel your passion for God,Family and inner Peace as I read each word...You will be just fine...because you are looking in the right direction.
Thanks for sharing...anna